Be Safe, Do Makeup, and Listen to Music: Things You Are Not Ashamed of During the War. Infographics

Spartak Subbota, PhD in Psychology, psychiatrist and psychotherapist, has prepared an infographic explaining why Ukrainians should not be ashamed of such commonplace things as wanting to do makeup, watch comedy, or be safe during war.

“I am often asked about guilt. People are ashamed of being safe and working. It seems to women that their desire to do makeup and dress brightly is inappropriate. So, I prepared an infographic to explain that being safe is also an important job. Loving, listening to music and having sex is not a reason to feel guilty, on the contrary, it is important to be grateful for such opportunities”, explains Spartak Subbota.

The infographic is intended for all Ukrainians: civilians who work or take care of children; volunteers who think they are doing too little; rescuers, medics, police officers, who must remember that living a normal life is also necessary.

At the same time, it is impossible to hate or direct aggression at those who “do not suffer so much” or in some other way experience traumatic events. Everyone learns emotions differently: someone cries at once, and someone has a delayed action; someone is relieved after a conversation, and someone “digests” everything by himself. There is no single recipe for grief, and stress relief. That is why it is especially important now not to embarrass someone for a manicure or looking for cigarettes, driving a person into guilt or embarrassment. If it gives people a sense of control over their lives and helps them cope with stress, then it should be done, says a psychotherapist.

In particular, during the war it is not a shame:

To be safe. Not everyone should be at the forefront with weapons. If a person is not ready for this, has a sensitive nervous system, then on the battlefield they can harm themselves and others.

To do “not enough”. For someone, “enough” will be only when they work 24 hours a day. Without rest and sleep, on the other hand, you lose productivity. So, it is important to understand that helping others begins with taking care of yourself.

Feel apathy and do nothing. Apathy is not a human choice, it happens at the biological level. And the biological processes of the body are not controlled by our beliefs. In this way, the nervous system protects us from stress.

To love, have sex and masturbate. It is important to understand that life does not consist solely of sad events and not thinking about war is normal. So, if you have such an opportunity and desire, you should not deny yourself.

Do makeup, do your nails, do your hair. If you have such an opportunity – rejoice. In addition, self-care procedures and rituals help to distract and raise morale.

To watch comedies, TV-shows and listen to music. In fact, watching movies, reading books, etc. – helps reduce anxiety and worry. It gives rest to our nervous system.

To not cry. Crying is not the best indicator of grief. You can grieve and sympathize without tears. If you are experiencing grief not as acutely as others – this is your advantage.

To not suffer. What’s going on around you doesn’t mean you have to exhaust yourself, drive insomnia, or fall off your feet. Remember: you will not help people from Mariupol, Melitopol, Bucha or Rubizhne if you are nervous all the time, forbid yourself to rest or even refuse to eat. On the contrary, it would be better if you invested in volunteering, rebuilding cities, or preserving and spreading the memory of crime. It is not heroism to forbid oneself to live.

Since the beginning of the war, Spartak Subbota has been working on a series of manuals with practical advice on providing psychological help and support to others and yourself. The first method is to help while experiencing symptoms such as hallucinations, apathy, nervous tremors, crying, hysteria and others. It is available at the link. A manual in two languages on psychological assistance to children can be downloaded for this vocation. The third method on how to talk to victims for rescuers and psychologists can be found at this link.